if you lost something you had lived with your entire adult life, you might miss it. even if that same thing represented a long standing source of anger, embarrassment, and frustration. you might still miss it. for as embarrassing as they are, your armpits are an important element of the Greater You. they may not be the windows into the soul, but they may certainly be the exhaust vents.
i have a condition called Axillary Hyperhidrosis. I know it sounds like a petty whine in comparison with broader spectrum of ‘real’ conditions a poor sap can get. But taken for what it was, it was a pain in the fuggin ass. There was a whole wardrobe of colours, such as greys, greys, reds or blues, that i could never wear. and a shelf life for a white t-shirt so short you’d think they came with our Costco runs.
even with a heavy-duty layer of cotton undershirt in normal room temperature, i ALWAYS ended up with dark wet patches that easily and often spread up the fronts & backs of my shoulders. These could be obvious in a dark room even without raising my arms. So try a hug. Or try a reach. Or taking off a winter jacket in a warm room. I got it: try dancing for 5 hours.
to be fair, i’m just a sweaty fuggin guy. and not just from my pits either. it just hit my pits first. then my face. then my scalp. then my neck. then my crotch. once it starts to come out of the nether regions, its all over. you’re in deep and had better be dancing to ensure a proper flush of the ducts. but we’re talking about an average evening, in a normal setting, with a completely level heartrate. here, my sweat volume would be completely manageable. but regardless of whatever regulatory measures i found effective, i would still have the pits to deal with.
when i investigated my options, i was confronted by a treatment i just had issues with. issues in that: i didnt know where to file it: my options were to have a specialty dermatologist knock up my pits with dozens of Botox injections over a course of multiple sessions. i began to doodle designs for an elastic mesh sling that would form-fit the shoulder & keep snug a large wad of paper towels that could be swapped out in the mens room as needed. basically, i was simply prepared to spend the rest of my life with this condition.
but then amidst a casual conversation overheard by jen j, the days of being a slave to my pituitary glands were numbered if not cleanly over. “there’s this stuff called Certain Dri and lemme tell ya, it kicks ass… it works!” perhaps i was internally in denial that anything could just ‘work’ in terms of these pits. but externally, i was still hopeful listening to another persons success in the matter. she had the same issues with her pits, used this stuff called Certain Dri.
she sent me the link and of course i did a bit of research on it. and of course i immediately sort by worst ratings first. and what i ready freaked my shit OUT. out of dozens upon dozens of user testimonials, there were only a sratch few below perfect. those few souls told stories ranging from the product not working but stinging their pits to worse yet: the product working but weeks later having weeping puss-less zits on the backs of their shoulders. but again, these bad reviews numbered in single digits. the rest of the reviews were nothing short of stellar. all success. all life changing testimonials. there were FIRST many other people out there that were dealing with the same thing i was and SECOND stories how their social lives were changing as a result of a $6 product.
i picked up a bottle and went to town. my first night with the junk was on or around 1/14, and didnt see any results for the first week. so i just continued to roll it on every night before i went to sleep. it burned a little like they said it would. i made sure i was dry so that the aluminum chloride wouldnt turn to hydrochloric acid like one website warned. and by end of the second week, i just noticed it.
my armpit stayed the exact same temperature, but was completely dry. my mind just blocked it out. but the next day, the same thing: completely dry with no issues. by the next day, i wanted to go cowboy and wear a coloured long sleeve dress-shirt… without an undershirt. and still, no pits. i waited all of these days to make sure i was in the right body in the right time and not sound asleep at 4.30am. but when i was sure, i was sure. this shit worked and Jen J was right: it DOES kick ass. all i had to do to present the good news to anna was to say “i have something to show you” and raise my arms.
so here were are entering my third week of use, and my second week of dry pits. i even went the ENTIRE Gomez show in the front of the Fillmore and made it out of there with my standard sweat-soaked shirt. but the pits were dry. ok, THAT kinda freaked me out. that was the first point at which i KNEW i had to throttle back on the juice. thats just. the body simply MUST have an exhaust.
therefore, i am discontinuing use of Certain Dri indefinitely. i am sure that my body reacts incredibly well to the active agents within the junk. so, i am relatively confident that i can re-enter this state of new normalcy. all i want is to return to the old normal for a spell. just to verify that i’ve not done some sort of irreparable damage to the ducts down there. once i can return there, i can experiment with just how much or with what frequency Certain Dri and my body get along.
but if you’re out there and you’re reading this because you Googled it because you’ve got a similar case of Axillary Hyperhidrosis, then i implore you to consider Certain Dri. do your research. read the reviews and the testimonials. Hell, talk to your dermatologist about the needle in the armpit thing. find it all out for yourself. all i know is that it works, and it kicks ass.
So happy to hear you’ve joined the “Land of the Dri”!!…
happy enough not to be pissy that the internet now knows of my own Axillary Hyperhidrosis :-).
My recommendation going forward is just to use it for a night or two whenever the PITS start to come back. That usually snaps em into shape for another couple of weeks to a month. No need to use every night fo’ eva’.
Congratulations. 🙂 -Jen J
Posted by: Jen Jackson at January 24, 2005 04:26 PM
Im am more than certain that certain dri does work but not for me. No deodorant I try has ever worked and I don’t know what to do. when I first got it I put on alot the first night because I didnt believed that just two strokes would be enough and i let it sit for about 20 mins before I went to sleep. since it didn’t work, the next night I put on two strokes. that didn’t work either. so I waited a few days before applying more, thinking that I had too much on. it still does not work for me. someone please help me because I am in high school and this problem of mine should have been taken care of a while ago. PLEASE HELP ME AND TELL ME WHAT I AM DOING WRONG.
Posted by: Danielle at November 15, 2005 09:49 AM
i can only suggest what i did: read the directions and then DOUBLE them. thats right: 5+ swipes for each pit, every night for a week. then lay off completely & see what happens. you ought to see *some* results after that 1st week.
Posted by: seannarae at November 15, 2005 09:06 PM
SOMEONE HELP PLEAZ!!! i put on two strokes every night and let it COMPLETELY dry for about ten minutes then i go to bed. but about five minutes later my pits start to get moist. i make sure im dry before i put it on. i blow dry my pits for goodness sake! i don’t understand, if i have this sweating problem how am i supposed to keep my pits dry while i have this stuff on? idk but im confused