forceful emptying

spontaneity, i suppose, has never really been something that comes naturally for me. so when such a sudden idea comes, i like to strike on it.

the past 5 weeks have been off the grid crazy for father of archibald jude. that whole ‘feast or famine’ is really ringing true. work was extracting about as much mental expertise as anything that has come before. tasks were mounting and clients were waiting with edgehill productions. household honey-do lists were increasing in both volume and dollars needed. add to all this a string of petty daycare-bourne illnesses for jude that, when compiled, amounted to what daycare fancy’s to call “chronically ill.” vicious cycle i tell you.

so it seemed to peak yesterday, friday 5/28. it felt like i hadn’t spoken a non-task related word to anna in days. it felt like i hadn’t seen jude giggle in just as many. so we’re sitting on the couch in the living room on a payday friday with that sumptuous golden light of a late-may afternoon. wine in hand. jude in giggles with so much as a raised eyebrow. 6.16pm. and then it hits.

HELLO! AND THANK YOU FOR CALLING MOVIEPHONE! WHY DONT YOU JUST *TELL* ME THE NAME OF THE MOVIE YOU’D LIKE TO SEE?

all without anna or jude batting an eye, it enters my feeble noodle that we ought to go see shrek 2 as a family. i get movie times and calculate the overhead in getting the lil dood prepped & ready. when anna hears the idea, she is beside herself with glee. jude doesn’t understand yet, but in 45 short minutes, he’s going to be starting at the business end of the biggest damn tv he’s ever seen.

all in all, guzzle our syrah and we are packed and out the door in 16 minutes flat. daddy may have been driving a bit too earnhardtish (3) because i made it from 10 circle drive to the larkspur landing parking lot in less then 4 minutes. again, if slower traffic would just keep right, then we might not have the traffic conditions we have today. its not a race, its about being efficient. but i digress.

as he sometimes can do, he gets a little fussy in the carseat just as we put it in park and scramble to peel him out of the car. so we didn’t think anything was awry as he began to crank this time.

i’m holding him as anna gets all his various gearbags out of the bakesale. and he’s moaning and hugging me close, almost in that head-on-shoulder lethargy that comes over him right before he passes out on daddy. but that’s not what he did on daddy. no.

HHHHGGGGRRRRRROOOOUUUULLLLLPPH! HHRRRGGGGULLGH! HHHUGHTTY!

all over daddy comes the warm wash and unmistakable odor of a forceful emptying of the contents of my son’s stomach. with about an audience of 13 fellow movie goers also trotting up to the ticket-line. and as you might imagine, the positioning of jude’s head against my shoulder, with face pointing right at my neck, he scored a direct hit on daddy.

up the side of my neck, down the front of him, and all down my chest. oh, and don’t for one minute think that it all went down the front of my chest. aw no! in some sort of cosmic full-court 3-pointer, he hurls a good 4/5th of the goop into my shirt where it can slide, unobstructed by fabric, right down my stomach and into my beltline. good shot ol’boy!

and i bet you might be thinking, did they make the film?

(Originally Posted: 2004_0529)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *